Who says being a SAHM (stay-at-home-mama) isn’t rewarding?
Today my offspring gifted me with a surprise trip to the local Splatter Park! Seriously, I did not see this coming. I was stunned. Such thoughtful children I am raising. My gift was actually a few days in the making….
Saturday afternoon Sunshine caught herself a fever. Not a huge concern for her, because she was granted free access to the digital thermometer. With her fever came the screeching halt to the date-night I had planned with Doc. I even made a reservation! Not flying by the seat of my pants this time. I had a plan. But, I would not be the mama that leaves their delirious, puppy-eyed daughter with a sitter…. To be honest, I asked Sunshine if she would mind. With a cocked head, squinted eyes and a turned up lip, she politely told me she would prefer I stay home. Emoji has nothing on the faces my girl can conjure up.
Not to be one-upped by his sister, Boy Wonder felt a little warm after dinner. Not warm enough to require medication. Sunshine was quite bummed about this. Apparently it wasn’t ‘fair’ that she had to choke down two baby Tylenol and her brother didn’t.
Sunday morning I awoke to Sunshine sharing my pillow. She could have a future as a ninja! Alas, she was still warm. Hot, actually. Boy Wonder was fine. His day proceeded as planned. Playing soccer IN the Columbus Crew stadium WITH Crew players and former Ohio State football players! I arranged it, sent in the check and hyped it up, but I did not get to go. Doc had to take my ENORMOUS camera and capture the excitement for me. It was a cancer fundraiser for the LampStrong Foundation. Check it out!
Sunshine and I hung out in bed ALL day. We watched 273 episodes of KC Undercover and about 10 minutes of Beverly Hills Cop 2. I must have been in a stupor from the Disney channel; that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! When the boys got home, little fever girl had a burst of energy and ran around like a crazy woman. She announced at 8pm that she was hungry, so Doc ran to Panera to get her a salad. She gobbled it up and was asleep about 11 minutes after her head hit the pillow.
Back to today (Monday)…..
My alarm woke me this morning and guess what? Ninja-girl was again sharing my pillow. She has skills. I snuck out of bed and went to tend to Boy Wonder. I don’t always follow the rules, but one I am a stickler about is the “Your child must be fever-free for 24 hours before returning to school.” Oh how I wish all parents followed this rule. I curse those who don’t…..it’s probably YOUR child who germed all over my child. Grrrr! Sunshine and I were slated for another day of the Disney channel and lots of quality time.
Boy Wonder raced through his Morning Routine and was rewarded with 20 minutes of free time. He disappeared to the playroom to clash some clans or check on his creepers. Meanwhile, Sunshine snuck down to the couch and scared the snot out of me when I walked by! She didn’t look too good. The digital thermometer declared her fever-free. This time it was her tummy. But she was hungry. She ordered a piece of cinnamon toast and was granted temporary “couch eating privileges” only because she was sick!
Wondering about the Splatter Park? Keep reading…..
It was time for Boy Wonder to head to the bus stop. I only had to call his name once….he wanted to be sure his free time was not snatched away for tomorrow! He’s putting his shoes on, I’m tripping over Jagger and answering Sunshine’s never ending questions when I hear, “Mama, my nose is bleeding.” I did not rush to the mudroom as he has bloody noses pretty regularly when the seasons change. Lucky guy has allergies! He knows what to do and I trusted him to do it. After apologizing to the dog I went to check on him. My very smart son was having a not-so-smart moment. He was standing in the bathroom, yet not over the sink. Blood was dripping out of his nose and SPLATTERING all over the floor. He was carefully arched forward to spare his new Under Armor shirt from getting bloody, but to hell with my floors. I
pushed guided him to the sink, grabbed a handful of tissues and pinched his nose. I handed off the pinching to him so I could get some paper towels to clean up the small crime scene on my floor. Boy Wonder decided it was a good time to check to see if the bleeding had stopped……it hadn’t. I returned with the paper towels to see gallons of blood pouring out of his nose and SPLATTERING into the sink, up the wall, on the mirror; everywhere!
It eventually stopped. I cleaned up the bloody mess and kissed my son. He rewarded me with, “You’re the best mama in the world.” I’d clean blood off my walls every day to hear that. By now the bus has come and gone. We made it 8 days without missing it. But today, really?! Why today? Natalie’s upset tummy and lack of clothing has rendered her unable to move. She begs me to let her stay home alone while I drive Noah to school. I waver for a minute, but decide that letting her stay will be easier and faster than dressing her and forcing her into the car. Go ahead and call Children Services, I could use a vacation!
I arm her with a phone and our 18 pound attack dog. I list the rules….don’t answer the door, don’t get off the couch and call me so we can chat. I set the alarm and drove rather quickly to school. She called. We talked the whole way (7 minutes there, 3 minutes in the drop off line and 7 minutes back home). She asked me a dozen “What If” questions and was very proud of herself for staying home alone.
She was hungry again. This time she ordered a piece of peanut butter toast. And a Ginger Ale. I delivered the toast, grabbed the ale and remembered she likes to use a straw with her soda. As I was getting the straw, I stop dead in my tracks because I hear a sound. It was a splashing water type of sound. But where? Oh no, Jagger is peeing on the hardwood, right?! No. Vomit is SPLATTERING out of Sunshine’s mouth all over the floor. I am too far away to save her. “Don’t move!” is all I can think to say. Might as well keep it all in one spot. She doesn’t stop. It just keeps coming and SPLATTERING everywhere. I rush over with the paper towels (they were still on the counter from the bloody nose incident) and proceed to wipe off her mouth. Her ice-blue eyes look at me and she says, “I HATE puke”, me too baby, me too. She’s finally empty. I cover the vomit with paper towels (the last thing I need is for Jagger to get into it!), scoop her up and take her to the shower. She tells me she’s sorry. I tell her she never needs to apologize for throwing up. As soon as those words cross my lips I have a vision of her puking in her friend’s car after a night of Jagerbombs….. that will require an apology, but I decide that is a lesson for a later time. Sunshine showers. I, for the second time in less than an hour clean up hazardous waste.
We spend the day playing Life (she won), cleaning her room (I was sneaky, she thought we were looking through her really cool stuff), watching the Good Luck Charlie movie (I miss that show) and playing War (I know she stacks her deck)….. but look at how cute she is:
Doc comes home and gets roped into playing Life. I attempt to clean the kitchen and race to the bus to get Noah. Everyone is feeling fine by now. No fevers. No bloody noses. No puking. I made it. It’s a beautiful night so we all head outside after dinner. My team enjoys a game of Wall Ball while I sneak to the front yard and bring a quick death to the weeds that like to torment me. I am determined to win the war! Doc gives me the night off and puts both kids to bed. Sweet man. I use my time wisely and call my bestie who moved away. It’s been like 3 years, but I am still bitter! I tell her all about my day at the SPLATTER Park. She laughs with me. I feel better. As we are saying good-bye I walk into the mudroom to let Jagger out for his last potty break. Apparently I have a competitive dog on my hands. Not to be outdone by the little people in our house, he has decided to SPLATTER the mudroom floor with his own bile. Three separate places. Seriously. I’m curious because his dinner is still in his bowl. What made him sick? I grab the paper towels for the 3rd time today and start sopping up more vomit. He’s watching me from his bed.
I’m on the last pile when I recall Doc telling me to keep Jagger off of the patio for the day because he sprayed the weeds. Damn weeds. Perhaps the warnings are true…..it can and WILL make your pet sick. Ugh.
I am afraid to put the paper towels away. And by the way, Bounty really is the ‘quicker picker upper’! It is now 11:11pm (no lie). My day at the SPLATTER Park is almost over. I am praying that my family does not make this an annual gift.