Today is Sunday, Mother’s Day in fact. So, Happy Mother’s Day to all you earth dwelling saints who keep your households afloat. One of my gifts from Doc was 45 minutes of the house to myself. Its quiet, too quiet. And I see dishes in the sink. Anyway, today is Sunday which means in a few short hours it will be Monday. Monday means school and school means it is time to fake having my shit together for another 5 days in a row. It’s exhausting. Thank Sweet Jesus that my favorite part of the school year is 8 (school) days away….Summertime!
Truth is; I don’t have my shit together. By mid May my shit is everywhere. Why is May so hard? Perhaps because of it’s name….May. “May I be jam packed with ‘end of the year’ crap?” “May I eff with your schedule with my unpredictable weather?” “May I cause your eyes to itch and nose to run?” “May I stay brighter longer to ensure late bedtimes?” “May I be the month of projects, recitals, field days, graduations from EVERYTHING, banquets, every sport known to man, moms, finals?” “May I all of a sudden make your yard look unloved and neglected?” “May I nickel and dime you with gifts for mom, teachers, coaches, bus drivers?” “May I tease you with my sunny days when you have 16 places to be that are all inside?” “May I drive you absolutely bat-shit crazy?”
May. It’s my reason for becoming a Grand Champion F.A.K.E.R. By May I am faking everything. The lunches I pack. The emails I respond to. The volunteer roles I accept. The enthusiasm of attending concerts. The excitement over another soccer tournament. I fake it all. Why? Not because I don’t enjoy a good choir concert with lots of voice-changing boys singing songs I don’t know or planning Pioneer Day for 125 third graders where I get to dress in a bonnet and apron. Not because I don’t want to celebrate the incredible souls who educated my children all year or chaperone a field day for a bunch of kids hopped up on sugar. I love all of those things. Just not in May. By May I am tired. Like dog-tired. So I fake it. I smile and say yes. I throw some lunchmeat on a bun and remind myself which kid eats which brand of applesauce. I fill the water bottles and kiss my babes as I usher them out the door. Then I roll my eyes and prioritize my list of things to do. Not my list for the week or even the day, my ‘what the hell do I need to have completed and dropped off, mailed, wrapped, signed, ordered or baked in the next few hours’ list. I literally fake having my shit together. And until now none of you were the wiser because I rarely fail or admit defeat. I will cry in the shower (if I managed to leave time for one) or complain to my bff’s. But I will complete the task and complete it on time. I may wrap the gift while sitting at a red light or charge the video camera while at the concert. I cannot let behavior like this bother me or I will literally combust.
So for the month of May I embrace my Fake Self. I make it to all of the events with everything I am supposed to have and I smile, hug, laugh and genuinely enjoy myself. But please get the hell out of my way because I need to rush to the grocery for a snack I signed up to bring to the next event and if I don’t leave right away I will be late. And worse, snack less!